Emotion
by Chibi Tidus
Summary: Pairings are Tidus x Baralai, Baralai x Gippal, Shuyin x Tidus, with slight Gippal x Rikku. This is set in one night, in Macalania woods. What happens when you realize you are nothing to someone? What will you do to win them back? What can you do?
1. Sway

Sway  
  
my heart, your hands, gentle my friend  
break me neatly, numb me sweetly  
  
The moon shines through the window, falling over the bed where I laid next to him. This was not what I wanted, I told myself, looking over the naked form next to me. The smooth slope of his bare back, seeming to glow in the moonlight, until it disappeared under the thin sheet at the base of the spine, the muscled arms and messy tan hair. I can not remember what his name was, or why he was here, only that he was and this was what had to be.   
I used to love someone else, I used to love my best friend... Until we had that fight. He used me, tore my heart open and spilled my love for him across the expanse he put between us. There was something going on, something he would not tell me, but he was always secretive and I respected that.  
Shaking my head, I turn back to watching the shadows play across the wall. My thoughts drifted once again to the youth that lay beside me. I was not that old, early twenties, but this was little more than a boy. He was still a teenager, and he was sharing my bed. I am the Praetor of Yevon, sleeping with this child, keeping him with me. No one else knew, I could not shame Yevon that way, or any way. I am completely devoted to my faith, and I want only the best for Spira. Everyone knows that, but they could not understand me or the actions that made me who I am.  
I am numb to feeling love anymore, even for Yevon. I can still worship and lead, but never would I regain what I once used to be. Maybe that is why there is this boy next to me. I searched my mind, trying to remember his name...  
  
say you would, say you could  
say you'd come and stop the rain  
say you'd try and hold me tight  
and you just give me away  
make me high on lullabies  
a melody for me to sway  
say you would, say you could  
and you don't do anything  
  
He had promised me so many things, actually, the both of them have. The boy laying next to me and the man that would never come back. Gippal... I think to myself, wanting to feel his touch again. He used to be so funny, so kind, so sincere, but something had changed and now he was gone from me, nothing anymore. I want him back in my life so bad, but I will never see him again. That much is for sure.  
Empty promises were what had become the last weeks of our relationship. He had told me so much, what we would do together, how we were going to survive whatever came our way, how we would be accepted, but empty promises never meant anything. There was really no way to save what we had, once I had caught him with ... someone else. The little bitch, I think now, anger flushing into my face. She stole everything from me!  
The boy next to me awakes and sees the anger in my eyes as I glare at him. The anger is not directed towards him but he has no way to know that. Fear ripples across his face, but I make it subside by leaning in to kiss him. "It is not you," I say, caressing his hair.   
"What's wrong?" he asks in his childish voice.  
"Don't ever make a promise you can't keep," I say to him. "Don't ever ruin someone you think you love."  
  
come down heavy, try and steady  
precious ladies, love you, love me...  
  
There is nothing I can do to get him back. "Gippal," I whisper.  
He heard me. The boy. What the hell is his name? "Baralai...?"  
"I'm PRAETOR!" I yell suddenly. "A PRAETOR OF YEVON!"  
He looks frightened. His body shivers beneath the sheets, and he edges away from me. His eyes are searching frantically for a way out, but he could go nowhere unless I say he can. And I do not want him going anywhere right now.  
"Stop moving." The icy tone of my voice made him freeze. "Do you know why you are here? You are here just to satisfy my lust for the flesh, my hunger for another's body. I use you and you either are too dumb to realize it or too dumb to care. You know nothing about me, other than my name, which I cannot bear you to say to me, and I know nothing about you. I don't even remember your fucking name!" The boy tried to reach out a hand to comfort me, and I shoot out of the bed. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"  
The boy's eye lit up with tears. "I... need to go..." He got up and ran naked from the room. He did not even bother with clothes. He just bolted.  
And I was alone.  
  
hold my head up to the lies that you feed me  
I'll fall under the spell you cast as you let me down  
  
I sat against the window, repeating "Tidus... Tidus..." Over and over. Over and over. Over and over.  
A hand slid across my chest. I expected it to be Tidus again, coming back again, like he always does, until I notice that the hand is gloved. "No..." I whisper under my breath. My mind screams no but my body screams yes, and I lean back into his body.  
Please Yevon help me get through this night...  
  
say you'd come and stop the rain... 


	2. Full of Grace

Full of Grace  
  
A/N: Last chapter was from Baralai's POV. I am continuing this at the request of Peeping Shadow Monkey, because she will kill me if I do not continue this story. So there will be this chapter, told from the POV of Tidus, and one last chapter, to wrap it all up, with a POV of Gippal. Depending on this chapter there might be another chapter with a different character's POV. We'll see, though... :) Enjoy!  
  
the winter here's cold, and bitter  
it's chilled us to the bone  
we haven't seen the sun for weeks  
too long too far from home  
I feel just like I'm sinking  
and I claw for solid ground  
I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
oh darkness I feel like letting go  
  
I ran. The night air was cold against my face and my bare skin. I dashed through Macalania woods to where my hut had been set up. Where I lived, where I had to run to. I did not care if anyone saw me nude, I just had to get out of there. Baralai had gone crazy, he was mad, and I thought he was the one that could bring some sanity back into me. I did not know who I was, only that my name was Tidus, and I did not belong here.  
  
I slept with Baralai to get answers, but I was weak and came to rely on him. I needed him, as much as he thought he needed Gippal. Didn't he know that he was everything to me when I was only a sex toy to him? Does he know how badly the wounds no one can see bleed? I feel that I deserve more than this, but something tells me this is where I belong.  
  
There is no more reality that makes sense. I ran, feeling the crisp air around me, and fled back to my hut. Only Baralai knew of me, only he knew where I lived. Or so he thought. There was another, and when I entered my hut I sensed that he was there. That he was waiting for me, waiting for me to go to bed with him. It wasn't wrong, I told myself, over and over, walking to the bedroom. There was no need to turn on the light as I slipped through the shadows to my bed.  
  
He was there, pulling me in, bringing my naked body to his, and I let him, I let myself be used by someone else, when my mind was elsewhere. I knew what I was doing, how I was ruining them all, and I could not stop. If it was one thing I wanted, it would be for this confusion to stop.  
  
"Tidus," he whispered, biting my ear, pulling my body underneath his, dominating me. Despite myself I reacted to his touch, I yearned to feel the release I so needed, I so yearned for.   
  
"Fuck me," I whispered back, wrapping my legs around his waist. "Fuck me, Shuyin."  
  
if all of the strength and all of the courage  
come and lift me from this place  
I know I can love you much better than this  
full of grace  
full of grace  
my love  
  
I ruin lives. That is all that I do. There is nothing left in this world for me to live for. As I was leaving Baralai, knowing that with each step I was adding fuel to the fire that was burning that bridge, I saw him return. Gippal. Dumb fucking bastard. Why would you take Rikku when you could have Baralai?   
  
Shuyin put himself in me and I cried out, in pleasure, although I was not really happy. I clenched the sheets beside me in anger, feeling hatred for the Al Bhed rise and fall with the beating of my heart and the rocking of my body.   
  
They all thought I was the innocent one, the careless one. They all thought I was weak. But I was not. Baralai controlled me, but if I hadn't been so blind or so dependent when I first went to him then I would have been the one on top, I would have been the one who came out victorious, I wouldn't have been the one to run.  
  
With a sudden burst of anger I pulled away from Shuyin before he could climax, before he could finish what he started. At first he thought it a game, and growled, "You teasing fucker," under his breath as he tried to pin me back down. I pushed his arms away, shoving him back, and then I threw myself on top of him.   
  
"You want a bitch!? I'M NOT THAT PERSON!"  
  
If possible he grew harder against me, a smile broke out on his lips. "Take me, then," he challenged.  
  
Fool, I thought. He did not understand. "I don't love you, and I never will," I whispered, my breath hot against his skin. In the moonlight the sheen of sweat on his skin made him seem to glow, and when he turned his eyes, forcing them into mine, I had to turn away. I did not have the strength to go through with this.  
  
"What are you saying? You can not be serious!"  
  
I slumped off him, falling onto the bed. "Take me, hard," I said softly, nearly a wimper. I was so fucking pathetic. There was no more strength in me, no more fight, no more passion. Something inside me has finally cracked, something inside my heart died. I was nothing. I was shit.  
  
so it's better this way, I said  
having seen this place before  
where everything we say and do  
hurts us all the more  
its just that we stayed, too long  
in the same old sickly skin  
I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
oh darkness I feel like letting go  
  
Everything I say, everything I do, digs my grave deeper. There is no place left to turn. The memories from what I thought should have been my life are gone, and I remember nothing. My fingers trail to my lips and I place two of them between the red lines. I blow out, hard, sending a shrill pitch into the air.  
  
A whistle.  
  
It scares Shuyin, catches him off-guard, and he falls off the bed. I made no effort to see whether or not he was alright. He would be fine; he was like a cat -- he always landed on his feet.   
  
A whistle.  
  
Was that all I had? All I had to remember my old life, the way things used to be? I can feel in the deepest caverns of my heart a lingering sensation of joy. I can remember things now that I could not then, and maybe if I knew them then it would have changed things, but maybe not. There was nothing left at all, nothing left!  
  
NOTHING FUCKING LEFT! NOTHING FUCKING LEFT!!! NOTHING!!!!!  
  
I climb out of the bed, make my way for the bathroom. This is the end, I thought, and reached for the razor on the sink. Shuyin ran towards the door, screaming, calling out for me, but I slammed the door in his face.  
  
Nothing left...  
  
if all of the strength  
and all of the courage  
come and lift me from this place  
I know I could love you much better than this  
full of grace  
full of grace  
my love 


	3. Simon

SIMON  
A/N: This is part 3, and is narrorated by none other than GIPPAL! The title does not fit the chapter, I know, but it is the name of the Lifehouse song I used for the fic, so there is the name. I have also decided that if I get more reviews for this, like say... if I get a total of 7, I'll write another chapter. I don't like writing stories where only one person reads it, I do not believe that is what this site is used for. So please take the time to R+R, and I promise to keep writing!   
catch your breath  
  
hit the wall  
scream out loud  
as you start to crawl  
back in your cage  
the only place  
where they will  
leave you alone  
cause the weak will seek the weaker till they've broken them  
could you get it back again  
would it be the same  
fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense  
left you with no defense  
they tore it down   
  
I stood behind him, one gloved hand curled around his chest. He knew I was there, but he hesitated. I can not say that I blame him, after all that I have done. I had ruined him, I knew, I had abandoned him.   
  
Never once did I think that he would not want me back.  
  
My Baralai, I thought, moving my hand across his chest, stroking the bare flesh, needing to feel his skin against mine. The skin on my hand tingled, told me to rip the glove off and throw it aside, told me that it needed its release, the release that Rikku had never been able to give me. I cupped one of his pecks in my hand, squeezing gently, and lowered my head to meet his neck, the line of smooth flesh. I opened my mouth, prepared to take him back into me, when his body jerked and suddenly he had my hand in his, and not in a good way.  
  
I had seen the nude boy running from this place, but I had only began to think that Baralai could actually feel anything for him. He looked frail, weak, and scared. That was not the kind of boy Baralai was into, not at all. Unless my leaving had changed something dark inside of him... I shuddered and did not want to even consider it. My mind would not fathom that concept, I would not let myself, my mind, wander to those thoughts. They just simply were not true.  
  
Of course I had envisioned this moment, and it was not going the way I had planned. I left with Rikku because that is what I felt I needed at the time, but I was dead wrong. She was still the whiny little cunt she always had been, and when I spoke those words to her, she smacked me and left me in Kilika Port, took our boat, and sailed into the sunset.   
  
Baralai was supposed to be in his bed, staring out the window at the night sky, staring at anything, trying to being me back with will power. I would appear to him, and love him, sneaking into the bed and he would not notice until I was behind him, hot, sweaty, ready. I would thrust myself into him and he would moan in ecstacy.   
  
This was not how it was going at all.  
  
He was frail, he was lost, at least he was when I left him. I wanted to come back to protect him, but now it seemed as though The only person he needed protection from was me.  
  
locked inside  
the only place  
where you feel sheltered  
where you feel safe  
you lost yourself  
in your search to find  
something else to hide behind  
cause the fearful always preyed upon your confidence  
didn't they see the consequence  
they pushed you around  
the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones  
breaking them till they've become  
just another crown  
  
I move around to sit in front of him, kneeling on the cold stone floor, the moonlight from the Macalania woods illuminating us, making us look more splendid then we ever actually could look. This was not a fairy tale, I could not see a happy ending. Not from this, not from where this was going.  
  
This is the wrong path.  
  
Poor boy, I thought. You have been beaten down so many times in the past. What have I done to you? I stared at him, and he was avoiding looking into my eyes, he would not meet them. When I put my hands on the side of his face and guided it to me, I saw the hatred, the anger, stirring in them.  
  
"Baralai..."  
  
"Don't talk to me." His voice was primal, almost a growl. He was growing ever more angry, and I knew from previous experience that he would soon explode. The Baralai from the past was beginning to show, but not in the way that I wanted him to. This was the bad side, the side that I feared. And I did not fear much.  
  
When I thought the rage was going to swell to the breaking point he stopped, and looked at me. The anger, the resentment, melted away.   
  
It was all a mask.  
  
Tears came to the one eye that was not hidden behind the eye patch. Baralai lifted a hand to my hair and stroked it once, twice. His tongue flicked out over his lips, and he rushed forward. I could barely hold my arms out quick enough to catch him as he flung against me, his mouth mashing against mine, his tongue invading my mouth, separating my lips hard, searching, always searching.  
  
I rocked back on my knees, and my body crashed to the floor. All of a sudden he was on top of me, wanting to dominate me, and I realized that this was what he had become, and this was not what I wanted him to become. This was not right, and I fell farther into my well of dispair.  
  
What happened to you Baralai? Who are you?  
  
refuse to feel  
anything at all  
refuse to slip  
refuse to fall  
can't be weak  
can't stand still  
watch your back  
cause no one will 


	4. Even in Death

Even In Death  
  
A/N: hehe! I am really cooking with gas on this one now! This is the fourth chappie, told from Shuyin's POV. He's gone... kinda crazy. But you'll all read about that! This -- much to Peeping Shadow Monkey's pleasure, I am sure -- does not take place in the Macalania woods, as the previous chapters, so BE HAPPY AND REVIEW! (PS- the song is by Evanescence) And, to appease the goddess, no names, I will try to make my chapters slightly longer, if I can. Sometimes there is just nothing more to say, ya know?  
  
Give me a reason to believe that you're gone  
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong  
Moonlight on the soft brown earth  
It leads me to where you lay  
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home  
  
The field was bright, the orange looking like a sunset. This place was pure beauty, magnificant. I stood in the center, one arm outstretched. "Where are you?" I scream. Isn't the Farplane a place to get answers, a place where you can find peace, resolution? No answer meets my ears, no shadows grace my eyes.  
  
I need him. He knows that. I ran straight here after what I saw him do, and I knew he was not sent, so he would not be here. Only the saved get to go to heaven, paradise. My Tidus never was sent, there has not even been enough time for him to be. I had to do something, and maybe if I prayed hard enough here he would come back to me, maybe I could sort of send him myself, if I put effort into it.   
  
Nothing was impossible.  
  
Pray, pray, pray. Nothing is working! Where is he? I need to, HAVE TO, see him one last time. I knew what he was doing, why he was running. He thought he was so alone, so frail, but he was dead wrong. Everyone has their moments of weakness! Why did he think that no one could feel, share, his pain?  
  
"Tidus!" I screamed, called, choked out. I fell to my knees, the grass softening my fall. "TIDUS!" There was an edge in my voice. He was not gone, HE WAS NOT GONE HE WAS NOT GONE HE WAS NOT GONE!  
  
My body fell forward, completely onto the grass. There were flowers in my faces, things of pure and total wonder, but I wanted to smash them. I suddenly wanted to destroy this place, I wanted to kill the beauty, destroy what others cherished. This place was nothing to me, this place was poisoned to me, this place was nothing good, noting pure, nothing saintly. Anger made my body convulse and I could not move, I would not move, not now, not ever. Not until this place was as dead as my heart, not until I had made this terrible wrong right.  
  
Tears flowed down my cheeks, falling directly to the ground. My hair fell into my face, sheilding my view of the flowers, and my anger abated, slightly. There was something very wrong about everything, something that I could not point out.  
  
Someone was responsible for this.  
  
The thought came to me clear, completely. Something had changed in Tidus, I could tell from the look in his eyes, from the anger in his touch. Someone had done SOMETHING to my Tidus, something horrible. Who was responsible for this and how the fuck could I repay the favor?   
  
Someone was responible, so someone could pay.  
  
I will stay forever here with you  
My love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on  
  
There it was, and I had a plan. But I could still not move. Something told me that my time here was not yet done and soon I would find out what I needed. What my plan was, that would appear to me soon enough.  
  
My body still shook with the tears. I tried again, saying "Tidus," but this time, softer, the strength leaving both my body and my convictions.  
  
"Tidus..."  
  
"Tidus..."  
  
"Tidus..."  
  
Things echoed around me. I brushed the hair out of my eyes in one quick jerk of my hand, and I sat up quickly. Voices called out to me, shadows of things reached for me. The Farplane was going crazy, and I was at its center. Someone once told me that the Farplane could be a dangerous place, a place where strong emotions called out to the things that inhabited it. Anger, rage, all that gave the beings power. And I had just opened up a well.  
  
The orange light flickered, flashed. It went out for a moment, then it came back. In the varying motions of the light I saw people moving around. I saw figures, I saw people, I saw the dead and the damned. Even the damned were saved here, and yet my Tidus is not. Things brushed my hair, played along my skin, made my bones chill.  
  
"TIDUS!" I screamed, freaking out. I wanted out of here, I wanted out now, and I would do almost anything at this point to achieve that. There was something still keeping me there, something that I could not name, that wanted me.  
  
I only wanted to feel his touch, feel his skin slide along mine, feel his lips on mine, his body clench around me as I entered him. Colors flashed in my eyes, dizzying me and sending me off balance.  
  
Suddenly everything was quiet. The colors stopped, the shadows disappeared.  
  
One word was whispered to me from the darkness.  
  
"Baralai."  
  
Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love  
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love  
They don't know you can't leave me  
They don't hear you singing to me  
  
Tidus, I love you. I always will, and, no matter what happens on this night, I know that we will be together. We will be one again, we will be whole. We will be able to leave this place, maybe even leave Spira completely. Maybe, mayeb not.  
  
But I will have my revenge, and it will be sweet.  
  
And I can't love you, anymore than I do  
  
I will die, but real love is forever. 


	5. Finale

Finale  
  
A/N: This is going to be the final chapter in this little experiment of a chronicle. There is no song fic to this chapter, and it is told in third person. I feel that is the only way to complete the circle. This may have a "Great Gatsby" kind of feel to the ending, but I promise that it will rock your world! Okay, so maybe not really, but it will be action-packed. And ya know what? I am in a very big FFX-2 mood, and I think I have an idea for another story taking shape in my head. We'll have to see though, when the time comes, if I can write it! (Note-- things that are inside the "~" marks are flashbacks. This chappie has a bunch of them!)  
  
Rain pelted hard against Shuyin's face, making his hair cling to his head. He staggered through the falling rain, through the cold night. On the horizon the sun was just starting to peek up from the mountains. Soon, soon, this night would be over and he would be okay. All this will be settled.  
  
"BARALAI!" He screamed, slamming a hand on the door. The rain was letting up for the sun, and soon it would end altogether. He was not sure how that made him feel, but at the moment he only felt one thing: anger. Rage built inside him and he knew that he had to let it out, and that he was going to use Baralai, dear Praetor, for his punching bag. That man had done something to Tidus, had done something that made Tidus do what he did...  
  
~Tidus looked at Shuyin, blood flowing from his wrists. "I'm sorry, so sorry..." He had said, trying to turn out of Shuyin's line of sight. "This was not supposed to end this way, it was not..."  
  
Shuyin looked at him, and could not decide what to say, or what to do. It seemed that there was no way to avoid what had to happen.  
  
"This is... fate." Tidus had told him. "I guess this is what had to be."~  
  
Shuyin slammed his body into the door: maybe the harder he knocked, the sooner Baralai would answer. He was no fool, he knew that Baralai and Tidus had a physical relationship, he knew that their relationship did not extend that. There were lines he knew Tidus would not cross, but last night, this morning, whatever, there was a change in Tidus. What had caused that change?  
  
The door opened and a Guado servant was standing in the doorway. Shuyin brought up his sword before the man could say anything and sliced him down the middle. The Guado hit the floor with a slick *slap!* sound. "Better to die not knowing the truth than having to live with it," he growled at the dying man, "Your leader is a bastard."  
  
Stepping into the house, he looked around, looked frantic. It seemed very quiet, and he headed for the crystal stairs at the opposite side of the room. "I'm coming for you..." he whispered.  
  
***  
  
Baralai woke up with no one next to him. There was the final waves of rain, but he could see the sun trying to break over the horizon. As soon as he was awake, he knew that there was something wrong in the house, something, or someone, was here that should not be. He jumped out of bed and grabbed his staff. He was clad only in his boxers but he did not care: his life was on the line here.  
  
Someone was next to him.  
  
Before he could even turn around metal slammed against his back, sending him falling forward, crashing to his knees on the marble floor. They would definately be bruised, if he did not die here in the next few minutes. Pain surged from between his shoudler blades. When the sword came into view, he knew that he could have died if whoever was weilding it had wanted him to.  
  
How the hell had he gotten there without Baralai knowing? And who the fuck was it!?  
  
Questions swirled in his mind as footsteps came around his body. He saw yellow and red sneakers... perfect legs... it couldn't be!  
  
His head was bent and he could see no further than a little about the shoes, and he choked out: "Tidus..."  
  
The hilt of the sword came down hard on his head, sending him to the floor. His chin smacked against the ground, a cut splitting open the skin below his lip and warm blood flowed onto the floor. The small puddle grew rapidly, but Baralai knew he was far from being done.  
  
"I'm... not... TIDUS!" The voice that came from above him said, slowly, his voice growing louder with each word spat through gritted teeth. Indeed it was not Tidus. The voice was deeper, the tone rougher. Tidus always sounded weak or kind, and there was none of that in this man's voice. But if it wasn't Tidus, who the hell was it?  
  
When Baralai fell for the first time he had lost his grip on the staff. Now he searched with his eyes, scared to move, trying to find it. With the staff he had a fighting chance, without it, he had nothing. The man standing over him, the man who looked so much like Tidus, would kill him.   
  
"Who are you?" he asked, his voice coming out weaker than he hoped it would. With the words a small amount of blood poured over his lips. The pain was great, but he had had much worse in the past. There was a breaking point, even for him, and he was not close to it. "What the fuck do you want!"  
  
In the moment before the other man answered, Baralai thought of Gippal. He saw his muscular, tight, hard body, his blonde hair, his eye patch. He heard his voice, that damned fucking sexy voice, and he wanted that again. When had his life become so messed up that he lost the one he loved? WHEN!?  
  
~He had come home one night from Bevelle. It had been a long, hard day. He knew that he was in for it back home: before he had left in the morning Gippal and he had gotten into another fight. These fights were fairly common, and they would probably have broken up by this point, but they were too in love with each other to really break away. There were no lights on, but he could hear muffled voices, and a feminine shreik, as he entered the house.  
  
What was going on?  
  
Thinking Gippal was just doing what he does, entertaining guests --very well, by the way-- Baralai moved into the kitchen to get a glass of water. That was when he heard the moaning coming from down the hall.  
  
That was not the sound a happy guest makes. That is the sound an excited lover makes. But this was a female voice, crying out like that. From what he knew Gippal once had a thing with some chick named Rikku, but he had claimed to be "Completely over girls" by the time they started seeing each other.  
  
It hit him like a brick wall. Gippal lied.  
  
The glass fell from his hands and crashed on the floor, exploding in a million tiny pieces. One shard scratched across his ankle, drawing a thin line of blood, just deep enough to leave a scar.  
  
Baralai ran down the hall. He burst into the room and saw HER, lying on THEIR bed. That night was only a few weeks ago, but it seemed like forever.~  
  
"Who am I?" The voiced repeated Baralai's question. "I was the one who fucking LOVED him!"  
  
Loved who? Baralai thought, finally spotting his staff a few yards away. He could get to it in a matter of seconds, and he could get on his feet sooner. "As for what I am doing," he said in a voice just above a whisper, "I am here to take revenge."  
  
Baralai saw the shadow of the sword rising, and knew that it was now or never. As the shadow started to fall he rolled away, swiftly moving to the staff. Once the cool metal was in his hand, he clenched down, determined not to lose it again, and leaped to his feet. "REVENGE FOR WHAT!?" He yelled over the clang! the sword made as it hit the tile. A few sparks jumped at the other man's feet.  
  
Now that he had a better view, the guy looked A LOT like Tidus. His clothes were slightly different and the hair was different, a little longer and less poofed-out, but otherwise they could have been identicle twins. "Who are you?" Baralai asked again in a mixture of wonder and horror.  
  
"Let me introduce myself to you, dear Praetor," the words slid off his lips as though he had rehearsed what he was going to say. He knew that this moment would happen, and he wanted to be perfect. "My name is Shuyin. I was in love with someone that you STOLE FROM ME!" The last words were shouted. He was shaking from head to toe, pain, rage, building with each word he spoke. "YOU KILLED HIM! YOU TOOK TIDUS AWAY FROM ME! GIVE HIM BACK! GIVE HIM BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU DID THIS! YOU KILLED HIM YOU FUCK!"  
  
"Tidus? I did NOTHING to him. He left last night in one of his temper tantrums."  
  
"You did everything to him! You used him, you abused him. You want to know where he is? He is lying in his fucking bathroom, bleeding from his fucking wrists! He is DEAD! DEAD! Because you hurt him! YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM!" Repeating his phrase, he charged at Baralai.  
  
Rage clouds the mind, and made it easy for the white-haired man to dodge the younger man's sword. He hit him over the neck with his staff. Shuyin went sprawling on the floor. Before the Praetor could finish the job that he knew he had to do, Shuyin was up with inhuman grace and lightning speed. His sword flashed through the air and sliced through the flesh on Baralai's chest. Crimson blood seeped down, turning his white boxers maroon, soon black when the blood was dried.   
  
"Shuyin, whoever you are... STOP THIS!" Baralai screamed, biting down on his lip to not show the terrible pain that fought to over take his senses. "You don't know what you are talking about!"  
  
Shuyin slid across the floor, his feet whispering on the marble. There was a passiveness in his eyes now, and that look sent chills down Baralai's back. The white haired one was growing ever weaker from loss of blood, and soon he would not be able to fight at all. However this was going to end, it had to end quickly, and it had to happen now. The younger man stood directly in front of Baralai. He looked him over, then whispered: "I can't see what he saw in you." Then he looked around the room and said, "Oh, I guess that is it..."  
  
The insult drove deep into Baralai's core. "I gave him security. I gave him whatever the fuck he needed, or else he would not have kept coming back." He tried not to let too much anger into his voices, and he said them quietly, not meeting Shuyin's eyes. Those were the last things he wanted to see. Now or ever again.  
  
"He came back for your money."  
  
Baralai knew that was not true, but he was growing faint, and could not argue any longer.  
  
***  
  
No, don't go back, don't do it, Gippal told himself. What happened in that house last night was some kind of sick torture, and I never want to have to go through that again. Something has changed in Baralai, and I do not know him anymore.   
  
He was nevertheless walking back towards Baralai's mansion in the Macalania Woods. The rain was only a drizzle by now and the sun was gaining more ground, shoo-ing away the clouds.  
  
When he arrived at the front door, he saw the blood, the dead servant, and the nearly silent house all at once. "Oh YEVON!" he screamed and went charging into the house. He cursed himself for not being prepared and not bringing his gun, but he whipped out the knife he kept in his boot as he charged up the stairs. "BARALAI!"   
  
***  
  
"BARALAI!"  
  
Shuyin's head jerked towards the door. Baralai recognized the voice as Gippal but there was no way to know if Shuyin knew or not. Why was Gippal coming back? he thought. Did he want to make peace? Sort things out? Talk about something? After their last meeting he had doubted whether or not the boy would ever want to talk to him again. But he was coming back, and he had no strength left to call out to him, to warn him. Shuyin knew this, and moved to one side of the door, waiting.  
  
No.  
  
The word screamed in Baralai's mind, screaming out, but it would never be vocalized. He could feel himself slipping away, his mind starting to leave his body, but he was still able to see what happened next.  
  
The door opened swiftly and Gippal stormed into the room. Baralai was sinking slowly to the floor in the middle of the room. He began to run to him.  
  
~The day they had met, it had been raining. It came down in torrents, sliding down the trees in the forest, hitting him hard. They pelted along his face, they made it hard to see. His hair was matted down instead of spiked up, and his eye patch was feeling very uncomfortable from the wetness.   
  
He got to a clearing in the woods and decided that if he was getting this drenched from walking UNDER the trees he did not want to risk anything else. Sitting down with his back against a tree, he was going to wait for the rain to clear, or at least let up a little bit.  
  
Then he saw something across the clearing. A person, wearing only a white shirt that was by now completely see-through and a pair of old pants, was trying to cross the clearing. Even through the wall of rain Gippal could tell that he was hot, that he wanted to meet this person, that he wanted to be with this person. And that was just going off a blurry look through the rain.  
  
The figure walking towards him fell to the ground, mud splashed up around him. Was he hurt? Gippal forgot about the rain falling like bullets around him and ran out to meet the other man, almost having to push his way against the rain. He dropped to his knees in the mud by the man, and all he could tell what that he did not look like he was breathing, and he was lying face-down in the mud. Had he suffocated?  
  
Rolling the boy over, and partially into his lap, he wiped some of the mud away from his eyes and mouth. His fingers were busy checking his neck for a pulse and Gippal could not resist a look down the man's chest, seeing his abs, his pecks, and he knew that he wanted this man, but he tried not to let it show, since the man's head was now in his lap. There is a time for everything, he told himself, you don't even know he is alive!  
  
But sure enough there was a pulse, and it was growing stronger. Gippal would have to get him home, and soon. He was going to be okay, maybe a little sick, but he would be fine. The rain crashing down made the mud run in lines away from his face, and Gippal gasped at the perfect features facing him.  
  
The eyes opened, and when their eyes locked, the man lying in his lap reached up, in wonder, in awe, and brought his lips crashing into Gippals. "Take me home," was all he said, and he passed out from the cold and his fall.~  
  
Gippal did love Baralai. He really had no idea what he was doing with Rikku for those couple weeks, but in the end his love for Baralai overthrew whatever he felt for her. She was nothing in comparison to him. He was like a God to Gippal.  
  
Before he could reach his love, pain erupted on his side. Someone had stuck a sword clear through him. Crying out in pain, the knife flying from his hand, he crashed to the floor. There was someone behind him, of course, someone who had come here to kill Baralai. He did not know who it was and he really did not care. Whoever it was was going to pay, and pay dearly.  
  
***  
  
Shuyin was almost finished. Then this other man came into the room. Too easily hidden from, too easily taken care of. Time to finish off this new blonde man, who was reaching towards Baralai and his knife at the same time. Were they lovers? Rage filled his mind again.  
  
He started forward just as the other man gripped his dagger. Gippal spun around and threw it at Shuyin, just as he swung his sword down on the man on the floor. The knife struck deep in Shuyin's chest, drawing a mass amount of bright red blood. How did he have such fucking good aim? Shuying thought, his head already starting to go woozy. He could feel his heart trying to beat, but the dagger was too deep in it.  
  
He was going to die.  
  
But so was Gippal.  
  
The sword had crashed down on Gippal's arm, cutting it off completely. He could not feel the pain, all his attention was on Baralai, who was now out cold on the floor, still bleeding from the chest. The wound looked only like a scrape, but a nasty one. It was not fatal.   
  
Gippal used his own blood as lubricant and slid himself to his lover's bed, grabbed the sheet, and slid over to Baralai. He tied it tightly, as a make-shift bandage. He hoped that it would hold.  
  
Once the adrenaline of saving his lover's life faded he was overwhelmed by the pain. It seemed to become him, completely. He was the pain.  
  
Looking over at Shuyin, he knew that he had at least killed the man who threatened his lover. His poor Baralai. At least he would survive this. At least he would make it through.  
  
Closing his eyes, Gippal slipped into the pain and faded away.  
  
I love you Baralai... 


End file.
